August 2006
"I write books for the same reason people read them, which is to find out what happens next, and if I started in at page one of a second draft, I'd know all too well... I'd never get through it; the labor would be inconceivably boring." Jonathan Raban
I have spent the last month in writing - writing about writing, my writing, the emergent writing of colleagues outside of this project... and the reflective writing my project colleagues share so generously.
Today on this fourth day of September, I notice I am not writing "about the project" - I am not even "writing it up" - but I am writing it and the act of writing takes it to places not necessarily of my own choosing... places that cannot be readily deleted at the computer keyboard.
I am in such an unchosen place right now, having just a couple of days ago raised a daunting ethical question of my work, with Harlene, and then with my practitioner colleagues in this project.
How can I describe what dissertation writing is like for me now? It is a little like driving on the flat Prairies during a dense snowstorm. Those of you who've done it know you are unable to see the road for stretches, neither the shoulder at the side, nor the dotted line down the centre - so you cannot know what side of the highway you are on. Without the usual visual clues, you must get ‘a feel’ for the road, which at times involves stopping momentarily, stepping out and literally groping - all to find out "where are we" and "how can we continue." But as you know, stopping is unwise, and turning back is out of the question - where is "back" when you do not know your present whereabouts?
Even in this perilous landscape, there is wonder and beauty...
I am now just like the Janice who used to drive home weekly to teach for the day, and also like her mother, the silhouette in the living room window waiting, worrying. I am both the person driving and the one who waits.
The labour is not boring!
Like Raban
I keep writing
to find out
what will happen next
Best wishes for a colourful autumn to everyone. And to fellow new and old Taos-Tilburg candidates - a productive, enthralling school year. Thanks, Kerstin, for the lovely Playa sunrise you sent (above photo) - you were always 'out the door' early...
Janice
I have spent the last month in writing - writing about writing, my writing, the emergent writing of colleagues outside of this project... and the reflective writing my project colleagues share so generously.
Today on this fourth day of September, I notice I am not writing "about the project" - I am not even "writing it up" - but I am writing it and the act of writing takes it to places not necessarily of my own choosing... places that cannot be readily deleted at the computer keyboard.
I am in such an unchosen place right now, having just a couple of days ago raised a daunting ethical question of my work, with Harlene, and then with my practitioner colleagues in this project.
How can I describe what dissertation writing is like for me now? It is a little like driving on the flat Prairies during a dense snowstorm. Those of you who've done it know you are unable to see the road for stretches, neither the shoulder at the side, nor the dotted line down the centre - so you cannot know what side of the highway you are on. Without the usual visual clues, you must get ‘a feel’ for the road, which at times involves stopping momentarily, stepping out and literally groping - all to find out "where are we" and "how can we continue." But as you know, stopping is unwise, and turning back is out of the question - where is "back" when you do not know your present whereabouts?
Even in this perilous landscape, there is wonder and beauty...
I am now just like the Janice who used to drive home weekly to teach for the day, and also like her mother, the silhouette in the living room window waiting, worrying. I am both the person driving and the one who waits.
The labour is not boring!
Like Raban
I keep writing
to find out
what will happen next
Best wishes for a colourful autumn to everyone. And to fellow new and old Taos-Tilburg candidates - a productive, enthralling school year. Thanks, Kerstin, for the lovely Playa sunrise you sent (above photo) - you were always 'out the door' early...
Janice
posted by Janice DeFehr at 11:53 dop.
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